A year has just kicked off for me. I turned 19 about an hour ago and what a feeling! I have not decided whether to be happy or sad but I will know that when the messages begin to roll in when the day breaks; they are always nice messages that stir my memories and make me want to go back to a past I can't see now or fly over to a future I fear. These messages point out so many things for me but I always know in a nutshell that, there is no time for the present...
It is so sad because I am away from home and most of my lifelong friends are nowhere within reach. But I hope to catch some fun nevertheless... All I can say for now is that I have an hour long phone call with my spiritual mom(I am sure about that because she rarely fails to do anything she plans to do for me. And for that, I love her even more.) We were together during my last birthday and the most I can remember out of the lengthy chatting was the prayer she made. She dedicated my 18th year in the hands of GOD and I am happy to note that GOD is faithful. I had my own potions of hard times; these are the times when I really stopped and wondered what life was all about. I did not what to live, I did not understand why I had to live. But here I am, a year older and hopefully wiser.
They say life gets tougher as you go up. Yes it does. The birthday messages and gifts I received when I was twelve cannot make sense to me now although I wish they could make sense. And that, friends and family would once more send me a card that reads As you turn 12, be a good girl. I really miss those messages. They made life appear simple and easy to deal with. Of course then being a good girl was easy; it included not playing in the mud or dust at school, listening to your teachers, respecting your older sisters and parents. But that message metamorphosed over time. I received a similar message last year, the one that says be a good girl but then it had more than just 'be a good girl'. This simple statement had so many inter-twined statements. In the spiritual world it may mean be patient and act only when GOD says so but also adding that, as a christian you should refuse to join the cautious crowd that plays not to lose; being destined for greatness means that you take risks and confront greater hazards. Seriously? So is there away out? Possibly not because greatness is part and parcel of any believer. What then is my choice?
When it comes to the social scenes, being a good girl has a message as distorted as my dreams. I am told life is there to be enjoyed. "Grab every moment and make full use of it" that is the message I get on the one side. On the other is the word I even dream sometimes because of how often it said to me. The word is 'caution'. So I interpret it to mean that I should be calm, careful and not in a hurry to live but again, there is this other meaning in being a good girl that says if you spend your whole life inside waiting for the storm, you will never enjoy the sunshine. So I get lost again.
But the good news is that, I came out stronger. I am now 19 and with obviously harder tasks. I don't know how prepared I am, all I know is that, I have to be prepared.I also know for certain that you cannot drive straight on a crooked path, so I have to make my paths as straight as possible.
Whatever my personal circumstance, I really have to live. I have dreams to achieve, things to deal with, friends to make peace with and most importantly a destiny to see to fruition. The world is indeed a stage and we are all actors. So when the light comes on in the form of a new day, week, month or year I prepare to put my best foot forward like any other actor.
As I step into this new year I intend to flow in the will of GOD. I will keep you posted.