Sunday, 4 August 2013


 Maybe I seek the past-- a past that as Lauret Ngcobo pointed out, is swiftly passing through our fingers. But I have a different opinion... the past should go, I believe but that will only happen after it has finished its role of helping me build a present I can cling to. I was advised never to make a move before I am sure of where I am going. So until that happens, until I have fully grasped my present I will not even contemplate parting ways with my past. And of course, I will never part ways with my past for there is no present without a past, just like there is no future without a present.

“I just felt lonely after the church service and I decided to check on you.”

Perhaps that was a simple everyday text that was not supposed to awaken so many emotions but in my case it did. First, the sender is a very close friend-- the kind I can say (without trying to be modest) that I cannot live in this world without. She has always been there with me and I couldn't reply the text without a tinge of lose; thanks to the passing of time that has decided to throw distance between us.

When eventually I sat down, I discovered that I needed to open up to someone about my fears of the coming and going of seasons. Laurence Durell says that somewhere in the heart of experience, there is a fear that we can conquer if we were attentive enough, loving enough or patient enough. Will there be time? I am accused of being an alarmist. Granted, I look for things that I may never find but the fact that the search is worth the while is what motivates me. Discovering new truths is a habit that I would want to cultivate in the people whose paths cross could be a mirage but I see it as a mental exercise that can help develop so many other aspects of an individual.

So where was I? Yes, I needed consolation and assurance that this great feeling of loss at breaking ties with old friend wasn't a reserve of people with a name like mine or some other artificial thing. Then in a nutshell I was told that its heartbreaking and uncertain but a time will come when some relationships will have to end. Not because we wronged each other. But because of many other factors. And ending in this case doesn't imply cutting off communication with someone because 'some relationships have to end' but because there is nothing more to talk about. So when this time comes, only the little essences of life can keep you going. So, what are the little essences of life?

  • The laughter you shared
  • The love that will last, always, no matter the circumstances that have driven you apart
  • The simple joys and pleasures you got from the most funny places;like under a particular tree
  • A shared childhood(if you shared one)or other things you have in common.

Whatever the case, friendship ties should be guarded to survive the ever changing circumstances that characterize the world we live in today. I am persuaded to believe that true friend can grow separately without growing apart.

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