THAT WAS MY AWAKENING

I once watched a movie called awakening. The film is non-African and although I cannot remember the name of the producer, director, main cast and other such things, I remember the story was being told to a young lady- 22 or 23 who was in a comma. The doctor figured out that the cause of the prolonged comma would be the young woman's lack of understanding of the real world and he begun telling her stories about the world; why things are the way they are and other such things. The girl eventually became conscious and smiled knowingly... "I can see again." She said. That was about four years ago.

In August this year, I attended a film festival and among the films that were screened, one was titled awakening once again. I almost thought it was the same film but it wasn't. I did the mistake of not keeping the name of the producer or director again but I can tell you it was a matter of "same script different cast". There was another girl trying to understanding herself and her world.

In both these two movies, these girls looked intelligent and well schooled but they still needed an awakening... I prayed and anxiously waited for my awakening... and it came.

That morning, I wouldn't have guessed that something strange had happened to me had I not for the first time realized that things are just the way they are. I have always had an issue with being female... really, it has nothing to do with hormones and as a matter of fact, I have learnt to fight with them. There is just something that makes me wish I could cross over to the other gender. Maybe it is the daring nerve in me that attracts exploration...

But when that morning I realized that the feeling was no where within me, I was sure something remarkable had happened to me. So I looked once again and I discovered that I was more tolerant with facts the way they are. I had stopped asking myself what the world would be like if grass was blue and not green. I have accepted that grass is green because it is not blue... It was one of the best feelings I've ever had; I believe better than falling in love, which I hope will not be part of my awakening. 

My awakening didn't stop there. I 'woke up' to so many other things. Today for example, I spent virtually the whole day on Chimamanda's website. My perception of her is that one of a woman whose only part of the body that works is her brains... I know she is normally dressed, her hair is normally made but I have never imagined her making hair or dressing up! She is supposed to be reading and writing throughout, right? Not so.

So today as I browsed her site, I came across a piece, a very short one at that in the GUARDIAN'S column; WHAT I SEE IN THE MIRROR. I wonder why I had never read it yet she wrote it in early 2010. What drew my attention was that word...'mirror'. What would Chimamanda be doing with a mirror? Wasn't she supposed to be reading and writing? Then a consolation came. Maybe it was symbolic. Or maybe she was writing about it in connection to The Nigerian Biafran war. But shock on me. Chimamanda was writing about a real mirror. She was looking at herself in the mirror; she actually knew the exact color of her skin. She even says that "...sometimes when my hormones are out of sync, I have no interest in the mirror..." she writes and that was another reality check for me. So Chimamanda actually has hormones?! Call me stupid if you want but truth is, I had never thought of her that way. Then the 'final blow' came when she wrote that..."my greatest vanity is my skin..." It was not books again?

But I understand now. I am totally 'awake'. I am beginning to understand that, before anything else, we all are human beings.

I posted something on my facebook wall several hours ago... "Buy me a rose and I will be yours forever... you hold the keys to my happiness..." courtesy of a film I watched some months back and the first comment which was backed my some others was that "...So Daisy can actually fall in love..." That was another awakening and another story... I think I need to research and work on this last part for it to make sense.

So my dear awakening, is tomorrow coming or has it passed? I sound confused, right? You bet!